Today’s client was asking how to be less effected by anxiety over being late. She expressed an uncontrollable and nauseating feeling at the thought of being late, so much so she would often leave an hour earlier than necessary to get to something early.

I asked her what her biggest fear was about being late, her response was

“that someone would think I don’t care“.

I asked her if she felt someone didn’t care about her if they were late and she replied with

“No, I know if they truly care or not, I don’t think their time keeping is a reflection of their respect for me, especially if they’re usually late.”

I then asked, How do you feel when someone is late to meet you? and she said

“I feel they’re unreliable.”

I asked her then, what does “Reliable” look like to her. Her response was,

“Reliable means I can trust them or turn to them when I need someone and they will be there for me.”

I asked her to think of someone she knows that is frequently late, then I asked her if she felt they were reliable by her definition of the word. She said she had a friend who she would consider unreliable due to always being late, I asked if she felt this affected their friendship and she responded,

“Yes, we always expect her to be late but that’s just who she is, she has a busy life.”

I then asked so you forgive her when she is late and make exceptions for it? she replied

“Yes.”

I then asked if she felt this friend would be unreliable in an emergency, she replied.

“There are many times this friend has stepped in last minute to help in a crisis, more so actually than another friend who is notoriously good at time keeping”

I then asked her to discuss what the word “trust” meant to her as she had mentioned that someone that was unreliable was not trustworthy. She said

“Trust, was the cornerstone of a good friendship, being able to trust someone.” I asked her to elaborate on the word trust, and what it symbolises to her.

“When I trust someone, I expect to be able to tell them anything and know it would go no further, I trust that they have my best interests at heart, I could go to them with a problem and receive caring, thoughtful advice. In an urgent situation I feel I could ask them for help”

I then asked, do you think people trust you? And she responded with “yes”. I asked if she turned up late to a party hosted by someone that trusted her would the trust be jeopardised and she responded, “Probably not”. I asked if she felt she was perceived as unreliable by her friends, and she replied “No, but then I’m always on time!” I then asked her if she would be able to change her perception of trust and reliability based on the conversation we had just had where she described her definition of the words she felt were associated with time keeping, she said she definitely in this moment felt more relaxed, but was unsure if it would change her perception or anxiety around time keeping in the moment, I then asked if when she felt anxious about being late, she could run herself through the same series of questions and if she felt that would help? She said;

“If I had you sat on my shoulder reminding me of this then yes, I think I would feel less anxious about it.”

We then, together, wrote down all the attributes she had previously felt were reflected by bad time keeping and her own personal definitions of these words, so she had a unique and personal dictionary to carry with her, and can debunk her fears. She also wrote the names of people she knew who were bad at time keeping, and examples of why they were not “unreliable” or “Untrustworthy”.